What's in a Name?

Names DO matter.

I am not kidding, for I have been four people, depending on my name.

There was Cathy, the little girl with the round glasses and the blond
hair who loved so many things. And the essence of her still remains
when one uses the name. But I don't like that name anymore. Of another
person, it is a good name all the way throughout her life. But for me,
it's finished; outdated.

There was Ga Dai, the girl who doggedly studied Cantonese and loved the
characters, but frustrated herself trying to commit them and their
meanings to memory. There were people who called her Ga Dai and they
addressed another person entirely.

And now there are two. Catherine, the girl who has so many faces in and
of herself...a girl who fiercely loves books, music, and movies that
make her cry, a girl who loves to play and be silly no matter how
grown-up she looks, and yet likes to be the "quiet" girl in front of
strangers--no matter how annoying it is, it is a complement to have me
talk a lot to you.

And then there is Ja Di, the girl who can't speak more than a couple
words of Mandarin, but loves to draw and is delighted that her art
teacher calls her by her Chinese name. Ja Di is the one who, with help,
painted the Wa women dancing, and the Christmas star shining in an icy
dark sky.

It's interesting, you must fully accept a name or nickname before it
becomes part of you and highlights a part of your many-faceted
personality. Then, you must use it consistently and constantly, and it
will become you and yours. And THAT'S what's important.

Sometimes I think I need a fifth name to cover a fifth facet. I have a
pondering, poetic streak that fills my serious stories and poetry, the
ones I want to publish someday.

And it makes me wonder. Do people still publish under pseudonyms? It
may be that my creative streak will be highlighted in the future by a
pseudonym under which I publish. I don't think a pseudonym is exactly a
lie. I think it's a way of distancing one part of yourself from
another, keeping your, say, gardening streak away from your, say,
musical streak. Just for an example. Janet can garden, be the real
person and the person of the heart. But Leah can be the person who puts
her soul into music and something.

Forgive my ramblings, they're probably very boring. I just like to
ramble. It's interesting for me, and that is what I believe my blog is
for. Me. But I would be very happy to take you along on the ride.